How to Share Jesus with Friends Hurt by the Church

Many of us know friends who were previously active Christians but now they’re not.

Having meaningful friendships with these people is likely one of the trickiest things for a Christian to navigate. How do you share Jesus with someone who’s heard about Him before but has been hurt by the people claiming to represent Him?

Those who have been part of a church and left can easily recognize when someone is attempting to "sell" them something. This indicates that traditional methods of evangelism aren't suited for sharing Jesus with an ex-Christian. Adding to this is their hurt; they don’t trust the church or any efforts to bring them back, so conversations need to be much more sensitive and flexible than with other non-Christians.

This makes any conversation, not just conversations about faith, layered and complicated. So if you’re looking for ways to introduce Jesus to such people, we’d love to offer you these tools:

Acknowledge Their Hurt

Begin by validating their experiences. Acknowledge that individuals in the church aren’t perfect and can sometimes cause pain. Don’t dismiss their feelings, instead, show empathy. A straightforward, heartfelt statement like, "I’m so sorry the church made you feel this way," can go a long way in rebuilding trust.

Build Trust Through Apologies

Even if you haven't directly hurt them, apologising for the pain they've experienced can help rebuild trust in Christians overall. Recognize the imperfections within the church and express sorrow for the hurt caused. This humble act can open up opportunities for deeper conversations about faith.

Be Honest About Your Own Experiences

Don’t hesitate to share your own disappointments and hurts. It’s not a weakness to show you also get hurt by individuals in the church; it’s a strength. By demonstrating you have faced challenges and yet continue to follow Jesus, you showcase the resilience and hope found in an authentic relationship with Him.

Change the Invitation

Instead of urging them back to church, simplify it: just invite them to open their hearts to Jesus again. Emphasise that a personal relationship with Him is much more significant than attending a church service. This change can encourage them to view faith as deeply personal rather than associated with their negative past experiences.

Bring It Back to Jesus

Focus on sharing stories about Jesus and His compassion for those hurt by religious individuals. Highlight instances where Jesus showed immense love and care for the marginalised and those mistreated by religious leaders, such as:

• John 8:1-11: The woman caught in adultery.
• Matthew 9:20-22: The woman with the issue of blood.
• Matthew 12:9-13: The man with the shrivelled hand.

By building relationships with ex-Christians using genuine curiosity and compassion, we can help them see Jesus’s love and care. Sharing Jesus with those who have been hurt by the church requires patience, empathy, and authenticity. Let’s be there for our friends with empathy and genuine love.

Listen to their stories, offer sincere apologies, and share your own experiences. By doing this, we can assist in healing their wounds and show them the true love of Jesus.