How to Share Jesus with Friends Hurt by the Church

Many of us know friends who used to be active Christians but now they’re … not.

Having meaningful friendships with these people is probably one of the trickiest things for a Christian to navigate. How do you share Jesus with someone who’s heard about Him before, but has been hurt by the people claiming to represent Him?

People who have been part of a church and left can instinctively recognize when someone is trying to “sell” them something. This means the usual methods of evangelism aren’t quite up to the task of sharing Jesus with an ex-Christian. Compounded with that is the fact that these people are hurt: they don’t trust the church or any attempts to bring them back, so conversations need to be way more sensitive and agile than with other non-Christians.

This makes any conversation—not just faith conversations—layered and complex. So if you’re looking for ways to bring Jesus to these people, we’d love to offer you some tools:

Acknowledge Their Hurt

Start by validating their experiences. Acknowledge that people in the church aren’t perfect and can sometimes cause pain. Don’t be dismissive of their feelings; instead, show empathy. A simple, heartfelt statement like, “I’m so sorry that the church made you feel that way,” can go a long way in rebuilding trust.

Build Trust Through Apologies

Even if you have never directly hurt them, apologizing for the pain they’ve experienced can help rebuild trust in Christians as a whole. Acknowledge the imperfections within the church and express your sorrow for the hurt caused. This act of humility can open doors for deeper conversations about faith.

Be Honest About Your Own Experiences

Don’t shy away from sharing your own disappointments and hurts. It’s not a weakness to show that you also get hurt by people in church; it’s a strength. By showing that you have also faced challenges and yet continue to follow Jesus, you demonstrate the resilience and hope found in a genuine relationship with Him.

Change the Invitation

Rather than focusing on inviting them back to church, simplify it: just invite them to open their hearts to the person of Jesus again. Emphasize that a personal relationship with Him is far more important than attending a church service. This shift can help them see faith as something deeply personal rather than tied to their past negative experiences.

Bring It Back to Jesus

Focus on sharing stories of Jesus and His compassion for those hurt by religious people. Highlight passages where Jesus showed immense love and care for the marginalized and those mistreated by religious leaders, such as:

• John 8:1-11: The woman caught in adultery.
• Matthew 9:20-22: The woman with the issue of blood.
• Matthew 12:9-13: The man with the shriveled hand.

By building relationships with ex-Christians with genuine curiosity and compassion, we can help those hurt by the church see Jesus’s love and care. Sharing Jesus with those who have been hurt by the church requires patience, empathy, and authenticity. Let’s be there for our friends with empathy and genuine love.

Listen to their stories, offer sincere apologies, and share your own experiences. By doing this, we can help heal their wounds and show them the true love of Jesus.